Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
- Walt Whitman
Everyone is a multitude. When you address them, talk to their best self. See if you can get that self's attention first. They'll be better to deal with and that is the self you want a relationship with. At any given moment you might wake up their low self-esteem self, their angry at the injustice of it all self, their benevolent self, their irritated at you self ... To raise the odds of missing these sorts of characters, directly address their best self.
Of course sometimes that's like trying to get the attention of someone at a loud party.