16 March 2009

Skewed News (my attempt to reassure the former readers of the Seattle PI that blogs are able to step into the void and provide trustworthy coverage)

It's an American tradition at least as predictable as airport congestion around Thanksgiving: horror films released on the Friday the 13th weekend featuring someone like Freddie or Jason coming back yet again. On a probably unrelated note, Dick Cheney appeared on "State of the Union" Sunday.

400 AIG employees will split about $165 million in bonus money. The word bonus is from the Latin for bonehead, as in, "in a series of boneheaded moves, AIG nearly took down the economy, then single-handed created a deficit the size that once required a Reagan-era tax cut, and then rewarded their deciders."

50 years ago, the Barbie doll debuted. 50 years ago, the Dali Lama fled Tibet. Had he been following trends, might have realized that even the young had become so precocious that they were unlikely to back anything that sounded so unsophisticated as "dollie." In order to get more support for the Tibetans, the Dali Lama is planning to be reincarnated as a 5' 10" blonde with double-D's. He expects that this will help to create more outrage should the Chinese government again invade. At that point, taking his lead from the popularity of Barbie, "she" will go by the name Lama Dal.

Airlines lost 40 million bags in 2007. Records just released indicate that this was not accidental. As part of the 2007 bailout plan, airlines were required to lose this much baggage as part of a subtle but quite effective stimulus plan: people forced to buy new wardrobes, luggage, and toiletries actually delayed the recession by over a year.

Obama has announced his intention to stimulate small businesses. This will be easier as we go further into the recession. Between layoffs and shrinking revenues, projections indicate that half of the Fortune 500 will soon become "small businesses."

3 comments:

Gypsy at Heart said...

You had me at bonus is Latin for bonehead. I so enjoyed this post. ;-)

nunya said...

You really do have a delightful sense of humor, thanks.

Anonymous said...

"Airlines lost 40 million bags in 2007. Records just released indicate that this was not accidental. As part of the 2007 bailout plan, airlines were required to lose this much baggage as part of a subtle but quite effective stimulus plan: people forced to buy new wardrobes, luggage, and toiletries actually delayed the recession by over a year."

Simple, straight forward, and effective . . . but given that this would require at least a week's foresight, you're giving someone waaaaay too much credit'-)