28 April 2009

Reality Again Trumps Your Blogger's Feeble Imagination

In the media's race to be first with the breaking news
Judging from the timing of the reports on it, it would seem that the most remarkable thing about Obama's first 100 days is that it took considerably less than 100 days.

Swine Flu
As if the Wall Street crowd did not have enough grief, what with bankruptcies, bad credit, collapsed portfolios and bad press surrounding tax-payer subsidized bonuses, there is now an influenza virus that seems to be aimed directly at them. Fortunately, what seems to be the most obvious symptom - a blue face mask - also works well to hide shame.

And speaking of Republicans
Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania has become a Democrat, leaving Democrats one former SNL comedy skit writer away from a filibuster proof majority. Obama's approval numbers are running at about 37.5x Bush's approval ratings in spite of his spending billions a day. And consumer confidence rose by more points in a single month than the Detroit Pistons managed to score in their series against Cleveland.
Remember when you wondered how the Republicans could seem to get away with re-electing George W.? They didn't. Time rarely sides with madness.
On a related note, in an attempt to boost sagging revenues, Fox News has begin to take bids from Americans competing to be the first to take up Sean Hannity on his offer to be waterboarded.

An Air Force of None
Air Force One was flown over ground zero in New York as part of a publicity photo shoot. Panicked New Yorkers emptied out into the streets. Obama has promised that this will not happen again. He explained that this distraction from the economy was planned before the threat of a pandemic had already seized headlines. As part of his stimulus package and plans to restructure the military, Obama is nonetheless moving ahead with plans to promote the sale of anti-aircraft guns to neighborhood watch groups.

Sarkozy's Bold Plan
The French, showing themselves more innovative than us in concocting stimulus packages, have announced that X-rated photos and videos of Carla Bruni - their first lady - have been stolen. The media coverage surrounding this material could, alone, be enough to stimulate the economy. Or at least economists.

I Have Something to Tell You With This Tomato
Russ Douthat, who I used to think of as an interesting writer, suggests that Cheney should have run for the presidency so that Americans could have judged his record. It might have made more sense for him to have sat in stocks for week so that the country could have expressed its appreciation.

Psychic Finds Airborne Chihuahua
And in what must surely be a metaphor for the times, fierce winds in Detroit actually blew a six-pound Chihuahua about a mile away from its owners. (Who had taken the dog to a flea market. Isn't that just asking for trouble?) As if that was not enough oddness for one story, the dog's owner's contracted the services of a dog psychic who led them into the woods to their dog.
And then the psychic made blowing sounds, began to flap her arms and seemed to "glide away" from the stunned couple.

4 comments:

Winder said...

Ron - I am back following your blog. You'll be happy to know my absence did have purpose. I spent countless hours, nay days, searching the internet for a site as insightful, creative, authentic and resourceful as yours. My return speaks for my results. :)

ThomasLB said...

I'm not buying the premise that the plane that buzzed New York was there for a photo-op. If they wanted the Statue of Liberty as a backdrop, that takes about thirty seconds in photoshop.

I don't know what they were up to.

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

I would have had a lot more respect for Specter if he had become an independent. As it stands now, this is purely political opportunism. Too bad. I had always kind of admired the guy.

texasholly said...

Reporting from swine flu central...they called off all schools on Monday forcing thousands of bored children to invade the malls, fast food restaurants, Indoor playgrounds to interact with a WHOLE NEW set of germs...and then decided on Wednesday that maybe they had been a little hasty and called everyone back to school on Friday yet the smart ones had left town. One local High School was missing 30 teachers on Friday and had four students in one class. The result? Not much swine flu, but doctors in this area have been overrun with STREP consultations. Oh, and Strep is more serious, but much less news-worthy.

and they wonder why people home school...