Recently, a new astrological sign was announced. Sadly, no one seems to have updated the daily horoscopes with the inclusion of this 13th group. So, I've taken it upon myself to address this lack. Here it is - your Ophiuchus (Nov 30 - Dec 17) horoscope.
21 Feb - Monday
Today you find yourself celebrating president’s day – or protesting to get a president. In either case, you may want to try out that great little gelato shop close to all the activity. And you can’t help but notice that for all the apparent chaos, riots have a clear purpose whereas parades, for all their supposed order, have none.
22 Feb - Tuesday
You’ll suddenly realize that life is like watching a foreign film so thick with subtitles you can’t both make sense of the film and watch it. Overwhelmed you, Ophiuchus, just choose to ignore life and surf the web instead.
23 Feb - Wednesday
You’re pretty much on your own here. Unlike other astrological signs, Ophiuchuses don’t tend to move in lock step. That said, you may still want to pack a lunch. I really can’t say more or it would ruin the surprise.
24 Feb – Thursday
At 11:53, your phone rings. It’ll be a friend who needs affirmation. Be generous and gush a little. If your phone doesn’t ring by 11:58, admit that you’re that friend. Just make the call.
25 Feb – Friday
Ride public transportation to work today. Read the newspaper aloud to those around you. As you depart, turn to the folks you’re leaving and say, “Please fill out your personal news commentary survey sheets that you’ll find in the seat pocket in front of you. Your feedback is important.”
26 Feb – Saturday
Ah, it’s the weekend. Or used to be. Before they broke all the unions and decided that until everyone – even the Chinese – get a two day weekend, no one gets a two day weekend.
27 Feb – Sunday
You suddenly realize you don’t know how many days are left in the month or even if this is a leap year. You had a great deal planned but this uncertainty sort of puts a damper on all your intentions. Frightened by the thought that the month may already be over and you still haven’t accomplished anything significant, you find yourself ironically disengaged.
28 Feb – Monday
Realizing that this is the last day of the month, you get a burst of productivity so great that these efforts will become the basis for your weekly activity report. Two hours later, you stop for coffee and never quite get back into that same zone. Pity, really, because you were on a roll.
1 Mar – Tuesday
It suddenly occurs to you that you can't even say the name of your new astrological sign. Baffled, you begin to question the validity of any of this before realizing that this very prediction of skepticism is proof that you've nothing to be skeptical about.