06 November 2007

Today's Headlines - Another Look

Ron Paul raised $4 million in one day, breaking Mitt Romney’s one day record for fundraising. If he’s unable to win the election, he plans to use his newly discovered fundraising skills to raise the money to simply buy congressmen.

The writer’s strike has shut down TV productions all over town. Love of Life and Scrubs is said to be taking advantage of this lull in script production to film scenes for their foreign markets, showing actors gesturing and talking emotionally. The reasoning is that they can dub in the foreign language dialogue later, once the strike is settled and the writers are able to inform the actors of what it was they were saying. Rumor has it that Arnold Schwarzenegger has a similar plan.

In spite of the fact that Mukasey refused to denounce waterboarding, he’ll likely be confirmed by the Senate as the new attorney general. Bush said he doesn’t understand the fuss. He’s no fan of snowboarding either, but no one has brought that up.

Rosie O’Donnell is reportedly finalizing a deal with MSNBC to start her own TV show, doing political commentary. Donald Trump was outraged. “What makes executives think that anyone would want to watch an obnoxious personality prone to juvenile fights?”

Bush called Musharraf’s firing of the Pakistani chief justice and closing down of TV stations a mistake. Apparently, Musharraf now says that he had only meant to turn off his TV, not actually shut down TV stations.

NASA scientists said they discovered a fifth planet orbiting a star outside our own solar system. Citigroup and Countrywide have already announced new subprime mortgage program for investors interested in buying real estate there.

The Pentagon is having trouble meeting its recruitment goals, so it is planning to lower its entry requirements. “As it turns out,” says a Pentagon spokesmen, “having been arrested for carrying guns or fighting does not make a person unfit for military duty.”

Researchers have recently discovered one difference between men and children. Breastfeeding raises the IQs of children by 7 points. By contrast, the mere sight of breasts actually lowers the IQs of men by 14 points.


CMC said...

You need to rewrite the first sentence in the article. Ron Paul didn't beat Mitt Romney's 6.5 milling record for money raised in 1 day, he established a new record for money raised "online" in 1 day. There is quite a difference (2.3 million to be exact) between the two events.

David said...

Jeeze Ron, get it right. If cmc can catch that flaw think of the many I am catching but won't bother you by point them out. You're writing today is sounding a bit like "Rush In A Hurry" - a synopsis of the day's show for those on the right and the go. Of course the 'bent' is slightly different. Today he pointed out that Ted Kennedy, the world's leading expert on death by drowning, is against waterboarding. Oh well, funny to me.

LSD said...

Ok, As you cousin I have to step in here and direct your attention to the picket line you have recklessly crossed in writing this entry. I am sure those angry writers don't appreciate you offering witty anecdotes free-of-charge while they struggle against the "man".

David said...

...should have been pointING. I forgot to mention that I think Ron Paul is a lunatic.

LSD said...

I think 'cmc' may be a striking writer.

And with Rush's comment about big Ted, I can only say that he, like you, also risks raising the ire of the downtrodden brotherhood.


Ron Davison said...

Yeah, but does a single day record count when the money has been transferred from the candidate's own checking account?

"Rush in a hurry," sounds redundant to me.

Funny you should talk about picket lines. I have a line of angry writers out front now. Phew. Fortunately, they're just 2nd graders mad about a homework assignment Sandi gave them. And I respect them! I do. On three separate occasions I've gone on strike - not once has a boss of mine noticed.

cce said...

Laughed the whole way through this and think you should call The Daily Show immediately. Screw the writer's strike, we need our amusement and you are our best bet.
My personal favorite, "Bush said he doesn’t understand the fuss. He’s no fan of snowboarding either, but no one has brought that up."

exskindiver said...

did i not tell you that i am gullible and that this R world blog is my only source of information????

(goes back to curling up into a ball)

Ron Davison said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was a little anxious about this experiment. Phew.

at least half of this report is accurate - the trick is to identify which half.