29 July 2008

That Oprah Knows Everything

Yesterday, I finished up late at my client and stopped at the food court close by to grab lunch before heading home. Everything looked too heavy or greasy or ... oh, there is quiche, I thought. A slice of quiche and small side salad sounded perfect. After I was done, I remembered that I was about out of bubble bath and went to Bath & Body Works to pick up vanilla bubble bath.

As I'm paying at the register, the cashier must have wondered at me. I began to chuckle, then chortle, then laugh aloud. My wife gets Oprah's magazine. The latest cover says, boldly, "You are an excellent woman." This was shocking news to me. But given that all I had bought at the mall was quiche and bubble bath, I realized that Oprah just might be right. And now I am hoping that Esquire or somebody has a follow up article titled, "... and how you can change that."


Jennifer H said...

Um, about the bubble bath? Oh, never mind.

But you might want to follow that up with some AXE body spray. Couldn't hurt. And tomorrow? Order the biggest steak on the menu.

(Just ignore me. I'm certain that you don't need my help to protect your masculinity. You excellent woman, you.)

cce said...

Glad I checked in today after a long sabbatical. I've been wondering about you, hoping your summer's moving along well and with an ample amount of hammock time only to find that your still hanging out in airports and reading O magazine and using copious amounts of bubble bath to soothe your quiche addled body. There must be rehab for this sort of thing. Really, I'll check on it and get back to you. You don't mind if you're one of the only males knocking about this self help haven, do you?

Gypsy at Heart said...

"Male and female represent the two sides of the great radical dualism. But in fact they are perpetually passing into one another. Fluid hardens to solid, solid rushes to fluid. There is no wholly masculine man, no purely feminine woman."

Sarah Margaret Fuller

And why would you want to change that? From a wife's perspective, I can tell you that we dig it when our men get in touch with their feminine selves. Good for you on the quiche and vanilla front. Don't forget to let us know when you start up on the romances. ;-)

Ron Davison said...

steak makes a statement, I guess, but I was going for more of the college-aged male thing in my quest to regain my masculinity: I began today with cold pizza.

you show up after weeks of absence and you immediately suggest quiche rehab? Aren't you supposed to sidle up to those interventions?

I have been working on a romance about a quarter of a century .... oh! you mean romance novels. You know, I tried one once. Like golf, it did not take, which I guess kind of leaves me in a sexual identity netherworld.

And you know, readers, in my defense Alan Greenspan, probably the most powerful man at the close of the 20th century, wrote his autobiography in the tub. It is possible to be just as manly as Greenspan and still enjoy a bath ... oh. Wait. I guess that phrase, "as manly as Greenspan" just doesn't work, does it? Hmm. I'm going to get back to you all with stories that affirm my masculinity, even if I have to make them up.

slouching mom said...

so now real men don't take vanilla-scented bubble baths?

so many rules you poor fellows must abide by...

Ron Davison said...

I know ... sniff ... Wait! I'm a real man. I don't do sympathy. I don't even want your sympathy, I don't need it. Besides, we real men don't worry much about rules - its part of the real man code that we don't need to live by some silly code.

Jennifer H said...

All right, all right. If you're taking a poll to see which men enjoy the bath, I'd have to nudge Mr. H to raise his hand.

And I doubt anyone would ever question his masculinity. Not twice. :-)

The cold pizza was a bold move. I like it.

Life Hiker said...

There's a little bit of woman in all of us guys, Ron. That's a good thing. No need to change.

(And if you don't believe me, just look at a lot of men's hair - how perfectly it's combed and how much "stuff" is on it. Even the most manly men exhibit a few typically feminine behaviors.)

Ron Davison said...

Cold pizza is not really a bold move. Cold pizza with warm soda just before spending the day at a theme park, now that's a bold move. I was not bold, although I do appreciate your attempts to mollify me.

To get this kind of affirmation from a man who has hiked a trail that extends from Cuba to Quebec (or wherever it is the Appalachian Trail goes) is reassuring. Thank you.

San Diego Momma said...

Were the quiche and bubble bath an attempt at irony in this post-feminist world?

If so, well played my friend, well played.

Ron Davison said...

sd momma,
I saw a t-shirt the other day that said, "Irony: the opposite of wrinkly."
No, sadly this was not an attempt at irony. I just found myself in a very feminine space this week. I'm sure I'll get past it the way a car gets past the 5 - 805 merger.

texasholly said...

It all becomes very clear to me now...the R World Connection is all about the bubble bath obsession?