A Man of Many Apps

He was the most literal man I knew. All of his apps were actual appliances - he just called them apps to sound contemporary. He had a rotary phone app. A radio app. A tea kettle app. A rice cooker app. A fire alarm app. A fireplace app. An easy chair app.

To be fair, his apps were - in some ways - more advanced than the ones cluttering his friends’ smartphones. “Do you have an app that can make toast?” he’d ask. “No? Well, I do.” And then he’d bring out his butter knife app and prepare the toast with a flourish.