23 January 2009

News from Week One of the Obama Era

President Obama warned Republicans on Capitol Hill today that they need to quit listening to radio king Rush Limbaugh.

On a related note, Pastor Rick Warren warned gays to quit lusting after each other.

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Caroline Kennedy dropped her bid for Clinton's Senate seat. Apparently, being a part of America's most famous political dynasty was not enough to compensate for the speaking style of a nervous high school student, a refusal to give up her privacy, and a disinterest in politics.

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President Obama has decided that the best way to rectify the madness of the Bush administration is to pass a trillion dollar stimulus package while cutting taxes for 90% of Americans. Spending money like a drunken sailor while slashing taxes. Hmph. Now why didn't Bush think of that? This should change everything.

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Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich continues to give Blagojeviches everywhere a bad name. He claims to be the victim of a plot to raise taxes. I would try to make fun of this but that would be like painting over a Van Gogh to make it look better.

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The Apple Macintosh turns 25 on Saturday. Still the only computer to be first marketed as a smart toaster, even Wozniak expressed surprise at the product's enduring success.

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One of Nigeria's biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.


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Timothy Geithner was confirmed as Treasury Secretary this week. Geithner's disinterest in paying taxes was apparently no obstacle to congressional approval for him to head the IRS. In his defense, Geithner said that it was not as if Defense Secretary nominee William Lynn carries a gun. When asked by a confused Max Baucus what relevance this had, Geithner squinted his eyes shut and, witnesses claim, began to baa.

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Republican Party leaders have confessed in private to utter confusion about how to define themselves. With the collapse of communism as a sure enemy and the Democrats now offering big tax cuts and the poor marketing response to their plan to rename minorities as "magic Negroes," Republicans are now floundering through an identity crisis.

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Sources close to Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts explained why he stumbled in his delivery of a mere 35 words for Obama's oath of office. "He was more than a little befuddled when he found himself face to face with Obama," they explained. "No one had told him that Obama is black."

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And this blogger is 3X happy. Not only is Dubya gone and Obama in, but the folks in politics are still providing "can you believe it?" material for our amusement. At least we're getting something for our tax dollars. And this might just be proof that as we approach the perfect society, we'll still have politics. How do I know this? Because a perfect society has to include humor and really, doesn't the existence of humor argue for the persistence of politics?

6 comments:

Gypsy at Heart said...

And as always, you continue to be in top form. This was hilarious Ron. My two favorites were Geithner and how the Republicans are struggling to redefine themselves. Thank you for 'distilling' the news so well. I love your roundups.

Ron Davison said...

Milena,
Thanks. I was beginning to think that my readers had taken the weekend off - or maybe were just disconcerted by the fact that I could mock even an administration that I like.

Gypsy at Heart said...

I know, I think everybody is just enjoying the weekend. I haven't had that many readers either this week. Be that as it may. You are always worth reading and like I said before, this post was great.

Pinky said...

::sigh::

I find it pitiful that Obama takes the time to mention Limbaugh out loud. Did that REALLY happen??

Ron, the GOP has been confused for the last 12 years, at least. I call myself a conservative, not a Republican. They are in trouble, with a capital T. I see a potential surge in the Libertarian party coming in 2012.

Oh, and Geithner? Heeeelarious!
What a dumbass. I feel SO good knowing that he'll be setting the financial pace for our nation. Whew.

Big Al said...

Ron,

Forget that day job. You really and truly should write for Leno or Letterman. Who knows? Maybe then you could afford better than microwaved Swedish meatballs at Hotel 6 in frozen Indiana.

Gotta' love our new President mentioning Limbaugh . . . NOT! Rush *HAD* to be licking his lips on election night thinking how his ratings and audience numbers would soar the next 4 years. And our new POTUS just threw gasoline onto the fire. It's too bad President Obama doesn't understand how his one sentence referencing Rush will be milked by Rush for at least the next 4 years. Obama just totally validated Rush. sigh . . .

wheelsonthebus said...

"Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich continues to give Blagojeviches everywhere a bad name. He claims to be the victim of a plot to raise taxes. I would try to make fun of this but that would be like painting over a Van Gogh to make it look better."

If you make me laugh while I am nursing the baby, it will really distract her.