18 August 2009

TNT for HUD Program

I recently read more about the new programs inspired by the Cash for Clunkers program, the federal program in which the government buys cars and then kills them in order to stimulate car sales. I'm not sure why this is not getting wider reporting and am doing what I can to pass along the news to readers of R World.

(OOPs) Officials of HUD announced that their new surprise stimulus package for driving up housing prices was getting mixed reviews. People in construction and the real estate industry seemed pleased by it, whereas many home owners expressed dismay.

"They just came over and blew up our house," exclaimed Willoughby Wimmers. "I don't get it."

"What Willoughby and people like him fail to see," explained HUD Secretary Donovan, "is the bigger picture. Sure, Willoughby lost his house. And all his furniture. But we're going to methodically blow up from 1% to 10% of the houses in different communities, depending on a host of variables like local unemployment levels, change in home values, and the community's penchant for explosives - what we call the 'cool!' factor. As we lower the supply of homes, the price of existing homes will go up. Construction will pick up. Willoughby is just upset because his home was one we blew up. When the economy picks up and he gets hired, though, he'll see things differently."

"But I already have a job!" Willoughby protested to the reporters who were already following HUD Secretary Donovan to watch the next house explode.

In other news, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is cutting budgets by releasing prisoners with a history of theft and robbery, predicting that the economy will be boosted by a surge in the sale of handguns, home security systems, and property insurance. "We will cut spending at the same time that we get more revenue from the taxes on increased sales and stuff," Schwarzenegger explained. "We might have finally reached a solution that leaves Democrats, Republicans AND California's economy pumped up." Or at least that is what we think he said. I can't be completely sure because someone stole his microphone. And my pen.


wheelsonthebus said...

awesome post. i'm posting to facebook

Big Al said...

There's a local old house parts store here called 'Hippo Hardware' whose owner started the business by hiring ex-cons to dismantle old homes targeted for demolition that the 'Hippo' owner had contracted to strip out the house prior to demolition. The owner would hand a crowbar to each worker and say, "Take it apart . . . gently." He also hired the ex-cons to run the store.

I'm thinking Aah-nold should kill the proverbial 2 birds with one stone: link up with HUD Secretary Donovan to have the CA ex-cons work for Donovan, thereby stripping homes before they blow them up. ;-)