American President Can't be American

I’ve investigated claims that Obama was not born in the US and found them to hold water.

How did I conduct this investigation? Well, given I have no time machine with which to visit the hospital in which he was born to a woman now conveniently deceased, I saw no need to leave my chair. I surfed the Internet instead.

Obviously his mother was plotting his presidency from early on, not only having the foresight to fake his birth records 48 years in advance of his swearing in, but choosing the name Barack Hussein as an obvious ploy to win votes from Americans lulled by its comforting and familiar sound.

The preponderance of evidence for Obama being born outside the country lies in the south. By that I mean that whereas about 90% of Easterners, Midwesterners, and Westerners believe that Obama was born in the US, fewer than HALF of Southerners are convinced he was.

Of course, if Obama was not born in the US, he cannot be president.

What evidence would our southern neighbors give us to make their argument?

First is the issue of Obama’s claim to have been born in Hawaii. It is no wonder that southerners believe that Obama was born in a foreign country. If you lived in Alabama, would you believe that a person born in a place where spam is served as an entrée was actually American? Or believe that anyone could correctly pronounce kalanianaole, kalakaua and aiea could convincingly pretend to be American?

Obama claims that he was born in Hawaii, as if this helps to buttress his claim to be an American.
For the true southerner, California scarcely qualifies as the US, much less Hawaii. In fact, if it had been some presidents others than Reagan and Nixon who had come from California, they would have likely dismissed their claims of American citizenship as well.

Finally, there is the matter of what America stands for. You have to remember that the southern Americans thought that the true America was south of the Mason Dixon line and they have never really reneged on that position. They live in a particular kind of America, one only reluctantly linked to the rest of the country. Of course Obama was not born in America. Because the last bit of proof they need of Obama’s foreign citizenship is this: a black man would never be president in their America.