Satire Still Falls Short of Reality

I've tried both in this blog: serious and satiric. As it turns out, I simply can't keep up. News is now playing out like satire. Walter Cronkite has given way to Jon Stewart.

A few days ago, I jokingly suggested that Bush's statement about what a mistake it was to leave Vietnam should actually be construed to mean that he wanted to go back into Vietnam. Then today at the APEC summit, I learned that we are, in fact, still at war with North Korea. My father is in his late 70s, but his war is not yet over. Could it be so absurd to send troops again to Vietnam when we have yet to leave Korea?

And then, in the midst of the nonsense that supposedly passes for discussion of Iraq, Osama Bin Laden reminds us that, in fact, our politicians are not as deluded as they could be. Bin Laden's solution to ending the war in Iraq? We Americans should simply convert to Islam. And to illustrate his disinterest in the material world, Bin Laden has apparently dyed his beard in order to appear younger. Perhaps in his next video there will be evidence of botox treatments, a means to look more relaxed and thus more appealing to the younger generation. It's hard to believe that it would register as any more absurd.

Broke Your New's Year Resolution? You Need This!

This month, millions of earthlings will break a New Year's resolution. If you are one of those folks, you may find the following quote handy. Frances Fragos Townsend, a Bush homeland-security adviser, was asked about whether the fact that the U.S. government has not found Osama bin Laden should be termed a failure. Her response?

"It's a success that hasn't occurred yet."

There. You have my permission to use this quote to justify the "breaking" of any New Year's resolution. Haven't stopped chewing your nails? "It's a success that hasn't occurred yet." Still smoking? "It's a success that hasn't occurred yet." Haven't yet quit your job to start that business. "It's a success that hasn't occurred yet."

Now just this one last question. If your New Year's resolution is to break your New Year's resolution and you do, have you actually broken your New Year's resolution?

[quote courtesy of January 8 2006 version of Newsweek.]