20 July 2007

After the Locust

Spying squirrels and terrorist badgers have descended on the Middle East.

Iranian police have arrested 14 squirrels on charges of espionage.


British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra.

I can only speculate that the beleaguered badgers, feeling unsafe in Iraq, had hired the squirrels to scout out a safer location.

[And I'm not sure what more surprises me. That I finally got to use the term "beleaguered badgers" or that both of these accounts come from actual news reports in the same week. The absurdities continue to pile up like so much snow in winter. ]


Anonymous said...

I think there's something seriously wrong with your foreign policy if you have to deny releasing man-eating badgers into a region.

exskindiver said...

i wonder if i will pull up your site if i google:
"beleaguered badgers."

Allen said...

Sadly, this is all true. The band of squirrels was sent in by none other than the notorious "secret" squirrel leader "Sugar Bush Squirrel": http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/.

As for the badgers, well . . . they were actually visiting Israel on vacation from Wisconsin (yes, they're Wisconsin badgers) and took a wrong turn in Tel Aviv. Unofficial news sources have told me the excessive dry heat affected the poor badgers, leading to their confusion and subsequent wrong turn. By the time they got to Basra they were indeed quite ferocious as they hadn't had a drop of Jagermeister or a good chunk of Wisconsin cheese in over 2 weeks.

Anonymous said...

Allen, that link-- it's just wrong!