Experts Call Chief Justic Roberts Idiopathic

Chief Justice Roberts suffered what doctors are calling "a benign idiopathic seizure."

Expert Bernard Benoit said that such a condition follows from a series of idiopathic decisions. "An idiopath, like a sociopath, makes decision that follow from an oddly idealistic notion of the world rather than the facts," Benoit claimed. "The seizure is benign even though the decisions themselves can be rather malignant."

During his tenure as Chief Justice, Roberts has led the Supreme Court to rulings that have argued against student's having freedom of speech even when off school property and have decided that even substantiated instances of sexual discrimination in the work place don't hold unless the claimant sues before being aware of the discrimination.

"The seizure is called 'idiopathic,'" clarified Benoit, "because it is the brain's attempt to purge itself of a series of really idiotic decisions. Think of a wet dog shaking dry and you'll get some sense of the brain mechanism."