Couples in Quarantine

She: "I'm going out for a few hours."

He, worried. "Please be safe."
She: "Don't worry. I have protection."
He: "Great."
The door closes. Suddenly it dawns on him that this could mean a couple of things. He does start to worry.

*****

"Please," she raised her hand. "Just ... please. I've had enough of people today."
"Had enough ..." he sputtered. "But I'm the only one here!"
"Exactly," she sighed.

*****

She, sounded exasperated: "We should start seeing other people."
He, alarmed: "What?!?!? You want an open marriage?"
She, disgusted: "What? No! I just literally mean that we should see other people. After 6 weeks I am so ready to spend the evening with someone - anyone - else."

***********

He was outraged. "He's recommending doctors experiment with disinfectant as a way to cleanse the body from this virus?"
"You can't really blame Trump for his confusion about medicine," she said.
"What?!?! He's an idiot."
"Well medicine is confusing for him," she calmly said. "He's had really confusing personal experiences with medicines. For instance, the only time he took Viagra, the only thing that happened was that he was a couple of inches taller for a little while."

***********

He had just stepped in the door and before he could take off his mask, she stopped him. "Leave your mask on," she instructed him as she grabbed his hand. "Speak to me in a French accent," she said as she led him into the bedroom. He mumbled something largely unintelligible in what might have been a French accent and her only response was to pull him closer.
By the end of quarantine, he was regularly uttering largely unintelligible nonsense in various accents, uncertain whether he should be hurt or flattered when she told him that she'd never so enjoyed their conversations.

***********

The first day they re-opened the beach, he saw something remarkable. She was wearing matching bikini and face mask. He couldn’t help but notice that the black material for each breast was the same size, shape, texture and color as her mask. He wondered if in the post-pandemic world women who had a boyfriend or husband would convert the his and her masks into a bikini top and the single women would simply convert their one mask into a monokini. A post-pandemic signal that one was single. Then he thought again. "Probably not what they meant when they said that things will never again return to normal."

***********

He, after a day of silence. "I can't take this anymore."
She: "I know. This quarantine is going on too long."
He: "No. I can't take being with you another week. We need to swap partners. Even if just for a week."
He braces himself, ready for tears, anger, accusations ... instead she calmly says, "Carl."
He: "What?"
She: "I've thought about it too. I would rather be with Carl."
He's offended, angry, confused .... but stands there mute. She goes back to reading. He wanders out of the room.
Neither of them speak of it again.