28 June 2007

Blair & Cheney in Purgatory Avoidance Talks

Yesterday, Blair stepped down as Prime Minister of Britain and promptly accepted a role as envoy to the Middle East. [Full story here.]

"He will spend significant time in the region working with the parties and others to help create viable and lasting government institutions representing all Palestinians, a robust economy, and a climate of law and order for the Palestinian people,"

An unnamed source claims that Blair is doing this in penance for his previous work in the Middle East with George Bush. If he tries to mediate peace between Israelis and Palestinians for 4 years, his time in purgatory will be reduced from 2,000 years to only 900, claimed a spokesman for an unnamed agency. Should he actually succeed at creating lasting peace, his time in purgatory will be merely 67 years.

Meanwhile, this same unnamed source said that negotiations between Dick Cheney and representatives from this agency broke down when Cheney announced that God no longer had authority over his soul. "It's some guy named Lenny," Cheney said. Having lost his soul to Lenny in an all-night poker game in the 1970's, Cheney claims that he now no longer has to serve time in hell or purgatory as a consequence of any of his actions. "It doesn't matter what I do," asserted an unrepentant Dick. "Shoot lawyers, grant no-bid contracts to the company in which I still have stock options, or vote against funding for kindergarten. I'm a free man."

"Of course, it would be harder for Dick to do penance," this spokesman continued. "Having Cheney try to broker peace in the Middle East would be rather like having Hugh Hefner design a new line of Burkas."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh for Christ's sake. This is making statistics look more and more appealing! And I HATE statistics…