24 June 2007

Speaks on Planes!

I had a flight of about four hours Friday night, and ended up next to a guy who couldn't stop talking. I enjoy a conversation and music more the average person but find it hard to explore four hours worth of nuance on the topic of 80s rock bands. My knowledge of acts like Cheap Trick and Billy Squire is paltry but is still much greater than my curiosity about them. I cannot remember when a conversation actually made a flight seem longer, but this one did.

For the next flight, a mercifully short hop from Phoenix to San Diego, I boarded after my buddy and co-worker Bill who, it turned out, was seated in the window of the same exit row with my aisle seat. In the middle seat was a man I'd never met. As I took my seat, both Bill and this stranger already had their books out and were engrossed in reading.

As I sat down, I leaned forward, looking back into their faces, and said, "Uh, were you guys just going to read the whole flight? Because I was kind of hoping that we could sing campfire songs together to help make this flight go faster."

The poor guy beside me barely looked up from his book, made a smile that very quickly turned into a grimace of fear, and then quickly tucked his head back into his book. He didn't say a word for the entire flight. Left free to read my book, it made me wonder why I hadn't thought of this 5 hours earlier.


Anonymous said...

Does this mean we're still friends? I am so sick of watching greedy mental midgets misinterpret my writing!! It's exasperating!! Everybody is a God damned wise-ass!

Life Hiker said...

My condolences, Ron.

Your story reminds me of a red-eye from LA to Chicago some years ago. I had the middle section center seat on a DC-10. To my dismay, I was then sandwiched between two people who weighed 325-350 pounds each. Their flesh overlapped me on each side. Ugh!

Neither of these obese people apologized for taking a good portion of my seat. Needless to say, there wasn't much conversation.

Airlines are a necessary evil.

Ron Davison said...

Ouch. I've had times when I've gotten the squeeze from one side but I can hardly imagine getting it from both.

I have this fantasy about airline execs having all their meetings in space as cramped as coach. "Lessons in empathy" we could call it.

exskindiver said...

when all else fails, pick your nose ferociously while maintaining perfect eye contact with the speaker. this always works.
welcome home, btw.

Ron Davison said...

I should have thought of that. LOL! Such tactics might be nearly as effective as mace.

Anonymous said...

I never have that problem. People don't dare talk to me unless I want them to. I think it's the facial tick I get when I'm bored-- my eyes roll uncontrollably into the back of my head and I sigh and sigh. Or it could be the ferocious nose-picking that happens when I am anxious.

It's your guess.

Anonymous said...

Re the obese plane people- it's the benefit of a stringent diet of empathy.