"Parental involvement means not only a preparatory effort to help our parents get up to snuff, but also to make sure that we do everything we can to have two-parent families."
- Mitt Romney
Left to speculate about the policy implications of this kind of statement, I will do my best to fill in where Mitt left off.
Of course, it's a catch-22. If you want to have children, to take responsibility for launching a life into the world, you obviously lack the judgment needed to actually raise them. Yet there is no reason to single out child raising. Misinformed optimism is the catalyst for all projects.
Many candidates talk about the importance of a child having two parents. I agree. Not only do I think that children should have two parents, but I think that the rich do it right: children deserve nannies and a parade of private tutors to complement their parents' limited repertoire.
In order to ensure that children are raised properly, we could neuter each infant at birth. They could be neutered by a simple procedure that can be easily reversed once they have demonstrated financial and emotional stability and passed a series of courses on parenting. The license to reproduce should be harder to get than a license to drive or hunt pigeons. We could even make financial independence a prerequisite to reproduction, thus ensuring the above-mentioned childhood nirvana of nannies and support staff.
Obviously, this could create some issues. Birth rates may drop precipitously. One can easily imagine a future in which the few qualified to be born would be hounded by calls from worried pensioners, concerned about stimulating enough economic activity to generate deposits into social security in a world with 100 retirees for every 1 working stiff.
And of course, if reproduction were outlawed, only outlaws would reproduce, suggesting a society even stranger than this one.
But these are merely details and I’ve contacted the campaigns emphasizing two-parent families for clarification of how such issues would be addressed. You can be reassured that their emphasis on traditional families are not just empty words, designed to trigger head nodding. There must be policy implications – or why would they mention such issues? I'll keep you posted as I learn more. I can hardly wait.