And the Nation-State Gradually Grows More Obsolete

Political crises in the Middle East are spilling across borders in the same way that the financial crises did in the West in '08.

This latest burst of panic and protests seems to support the notion that whether it is pandemics, ecological issues, economic issues, or, yes, political and financial issues, national borders seem less and less relevant.

In places like the Middle East and Africa where colonial powers imposed national borders where no clear nations existed, borders have long seemed confusing and of little use in protecting one country from issues in the next. But now, even in the West where national identities date back centuries, national borders are becoming less meaningful.

The big question in '08 was whether the financial crisis could be averted before we had another Great Depression. The big question in 2011 is whether the political crises will create democracies, theocracies, or even more severe autocracies in the Middle East.

To me, the even bigger question is how the idea and even very fact of the nation-state is going to survive in this new stage of globalization.

Clinton Seeks "Smart Power" Middle East Strategy

AP – 8 mins ago
WASHINGTON – Hillary Rodham Clinton
said Tuesday that she intends to revitalize the mission of diplomacy in American
foreign policy, calling for a "smart power" strategy in the Middle East and
implicitly criticizing the Bush administration for having downgraded the role of
arms control.

Clinton seeks smart power? This, apparently, in contrast to Condoleezza Rice's dumb power in the Middle East? Or is that dumb luck?

In any case, I can only guess that Cheney is cursing in some undisclosed location. "Smart power! Why didn't we think of that?" Turns and looks accusingly at George, "But no. You had to continually resort to the dumb power."

Smart power. Wow. Sounds pretty much infallible. Kind of like compassionate conservative. I guess the days of Middle East conflicts are over. I can hardly wait.

Cub News Distorter (at your service)

A recent UN study ranked Iceland as the best place to live in the world. (The US slipped from 8th best to 12th.) In response, Iceland's president Olafur Grimsson announced a new campaign, handing out "We Love Global Warming" t-shirts and bumper stickers.

Trent Lott, of Mississippi, announced his retirement this week. The state's Green Party is excited about what they see as a great opportunity to gain a seat in the Senate, taking advantage of voter's dissatisfaction with Republicans. Of course, given this is Mississippi, the Green Party in question is actually the "The Collared Green Party."

Vice President Dick Cheney went back to his normal work schedule Tuesday, a day after doctors used an electrical current to correct an irregular heartbeat. Although this returned his heart to normal, doctors say that it would have taken a much larger shock to have actually softened his heart. (And on a related note, recent stock market gyrations have been traced back to Dick's EKG monitor. In his attempt at world domination from an undisclosed location, Dick has been working on a stock market manipulation scheme. In his haste to execute it, he got the wires crossed between his heart monitor and laptop. Until he gets this untangled, the world economy is only one stopped heart away from collapse. Wait a minute. Maybe he didn't get the wires crossed. Perhaps this is his plan for world domination. Oh well. Back to the news.)

Today, Bush launched the 43rd annual Middle East peace talks -throwing out the opening pitch in this fall classic by way of another in a series of ultimately ineffectual speeches given by American presidents.

Consumer confidence dropped more than expected in November. Apparently, shoppers are full of uncertainty, wondering if Uncle Fred would really like this cigarette lighter, wondering if WalMart is offering the same galoshes for $2 less, and wondering if this dress makes my hips look fat. Few feel very confident about their gift selections.

A British teacher working in Sudan's capital is being held for allowing her 7 year-old students to name a class Teddy Bear "Mohammed." British authorities are working for her release before she is punished with a whipping. These same officials have yet to find the time to intervene in the Darfur. There is nothing funny about this. It's just absurd.

The dollar has fallen to a record low against the euro, which cost nearly $1.50 last week. The Canadian dollar has passed the US dollar in value, rendering obsolete all those "US $ / Canadian $" prices printed on book flaps. Bush said that he didn't care if a dollar was worth less because he could just print more.

Paul McCartney is a pop genius, cultural icon, the "cute" Beatle, and a billionaire. For some reason, it's news that women will date him. It seems to me that it would only be news if they would not.

Mitt Romney announced that he couldn't appoint a Muslim to a cabinet position, given they make up only 1% of the US population. He did not clarify what sort of cabinet position he might grant to a Mormon, a faith that makes up merely 2% of the US population.

Blair & Cheney in Purgatory Avoidance Talks

Yesterday, Blair stepped down as Prime Minister of Britain and promptly accepted a role as envoy to the Middle East. [Full story here.]

"He will spend significant time in the region working with the parties and others to help create viable and lasting government institutions representing all Palestinians, a robust economy, and a climate of law and order for the Palestinian people,"

An unnamed source claims that Blair is doing this in penance for his previous work in the Middle East with George Bush. If he tries to mediate peace between Israelis and Palestinians for 4 years, his time in purgatory will be reduced from 2,000 years to only 900, claimed a spokesman for an unnamed agency. Should he actually succeed at creating lasting peace, his time in purgatory will be merely 67 years.

Meanwhile, this same unnamed source said that negotiations between Dick Cheney and representatives from this agency broke down when Cheney announced that God no longer had authority over his soul. "It's some guy named Lenny," Cheney said. Having lost his soul to Lenny in an all-night poker game in the 1970's, Cheney claims that he now no longer has to serve time in hell or purgatory as a consequence of any of his actions. "It doesn't matter what I do," asserted an unrepentant Dick. "Shoot lawyers, grant no-bid contracts to the company in which I still have stock options, or vote against funding for kindergarten. I'm a free man."

"Of course, it would be harder for Dick to do penance," this spokesman continued. "Having Cheney try to broker peace in the Middle East would be rather like having Hugh Hefner design a new line of Burkas."

7 Steps to Disaster

1. Let neocon ideologues manufacture a war, launching an invasion of Iraq with no plan other than sweeping up the flowers thrown by adoring masses upon liberation from the rule of a tyrant.

2. Let pragmatic problem-solvers work with Iraqis to equip them and train them, ensuring that they'll be an effective and deadly fighting force. Don't worry much about the political forces that will define how this military might will be deployed.

3. Let responsive politicians engineer a pullout of American troops to appease an American public tired of lies, ineffectual promises, and a situation that shows no signs of abating. Argue that the Iraqi Civil War is an Iraqi affair.

4. Decry the genocide that follows once well armed Shiites avenge themselves of decades of abuse under minority Sunni rule. If you argued for a pullout, wring your hands and say, "It would have been so much worse if our troops were in the middle of that." If you argued for keeping American troops there until 2058, wag your finger and say, "If we would have stayed, Baghdad would already look like Dallas."

5. Decry the regional instability and political chaos that follows from a stream of refugees out of Iraq and a stream of religious warriors into Iraq. Insist that the Iraqis, Iranians, and other countries do what we could not - control the violence.

6. Furiously negotiate to avoid the Arabic equivalent of World War Three. Make ultimatums that we can't enforce.

7. Watch as G-8 nations are drawn into the conflict in order to protect oil reserves. Gradually and rationally, introduce NATO forces into the region in an attempt to protect oil supplies to the industrialized nations. Helplessly watch as the Arabic equivalent of World War Three becomes World War Three.

Note that the only thing that makes sense in this entire disaster is the fact that future generations begin to use terms like "bush," "wolfowitz," "rumsfeld," "kristol," and "cheney," as curse words.

Now That's Just Absurd

In my teens, my favorite author for about 2 months was Jorge Amado from Brazil. Brazil is quite diverse racially – indigenous, Asians, blacks, whites. One of the characters was listening to the talk of racial tension and finally said, “I think the solution is to just have everyone inter-breed until even God can’t tell them apart.” I still think that’s a hilarious and probably wise solution. Get the Israeli and Palestinian kids dating and accelerate the peace process by decades. Nobody wants to drop bombs on their grandchildren. Or barring that, the UN could mandate that the Palestinians send their kids over to the Israeli side for child care and mandate that the Israelis send their kids over to the Palestinian side. Same effect.

When Ideology Becomes Fantasy

Excerpted from The Atlantic's latest cover story on Condoleezza Rice.

“I used to deal with Condi when I was head of Mossad and she was national-security adviser, and I had a great respect for her, and admiration,” Efraim Halevy says. “I still do. But I think that in her role of secretary of state, things are not going too well. The main problem is that Condi Rice was never an expert on the Middle East. That’s not her area of expertise. And therefore, she has to rely on others. And the others in this case is a lawyer who is an ideologue”—meaning Elliott Abrams—“who believes that you can promote a certain ideology anywhere and everywhere around the world if you think it’s the right ideology. And you really don’t have to know very much about the basic facts in the region that you’re dealing with, because you have to tailor the region to your ideology.”

Halevy spent four decades in what was regarded as the best intelligence service in the Middle East, and he has only disdain for what he sees as the loony idea that American-style democracy can be implanted here. As an intelligence professional, he believes that the only path to understanding the Middle East, or anywhere else, for that matter, is to look as deeply as one can into the specifics of individual personalities, their hopes, dreams, and weaknesses, their bank accounts, the stories of their families, their tribes, the histories of their friends and enemies—the kind of material a novelist might use. By substituting ideology for local knowledge, he says, the Bush administration chose fantasy over reality, a choice that can only end in disaster.

“To believe that you can promote democracy on the one hand,” he says, staring down at the table and glumly stirring his tea, “and on the other hand, having a parallel system of providing guns and equipment to one warlord and to another warlord, and combining these two different programs in some way and sort of monitoring them in a way which is totally unrelated to the situation on the ground, because the situation on the ground doesn’t matter. Because what you need to do is change the situation on the ground.” Halevy stops stirring his tea and leans back on the couch. “I think that this whole idea of democratization was a flawed concept,” he says, finally making eye contact. “Democracy in Israel evolved from within. It didn’t come because somebody in Washington waved the wand and said, ‘Israel should be democratic.’”

The worst thing about the administration’s active fantasy life, Halevy believes, is that it has sucked Israel into a realm of illusion, where it cannot afford to live.