News from Week One of the Obama Era

President Obama warned Republicans on Capitol Hill today that they need to quit listening to radio king Rush Limbaugh.

On a related note, Pastor Rick Warren warned gays to quit lusting after each other.

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Caroline Kennedy dropped her bid for Clinton's Senate seat. Apparently, being a part of America's most famous political dynasty was not enough to compensate for the speaking style of a nervous high school student, a refusal to give up her privacy, and a disinterest in politics.

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President Obama has decided that the best way to rectify the madness of the Bush administration is to pass a trillion dollar stimulus package while cutting taxes for 90% of Americans. Spending money like a drunken sailor while slashing taxes. Hmph. Now why didn't Bush think of that? This should change everything.

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Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich continues to give Blagojeviches everywhere a bad name. He claims to be the victim of a plot to raise taxes. I would try to make fun of this but that would be like painting over a Van Gogh to make it look better.

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The Apple Macintosh turns 25 on Saturday. Still the only computer to be first marketed as a smart toaster, even Wozniak expressed surprise at the product's enduring success.

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One of Nigeria's biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.

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Timothy Geithner was confirmed as Treasury Secretary this week. Geithner's disinterest in paying taxes was apparently no obstacle to congressional approval for him to head the IRS. In his defense, Geithner said that it was not as if Defense Secretary nominee William Lynn carries a gun. When asked by a confused Max Baucus what relevance this had, Geithner squinted his eyes shut and, witnesses claim, began to baa.

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Republican Party leaders have confessed in private to utter confusion about how to define themselves. With the collapse of communism as a sure enemy and the Democrats now offering big tax cuts and the poor marketing response to their plan to rename minorities as "magic Negroes," Republicans are now floundering through an identity crisis.

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Sources close to Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts explained why he stumbled in his delivery of a mere 35 words for Obama's oath of office. "He was more than a little befuddled when he found himself face to face with Obama," they explained. "No one had told him that Obama is black."

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And this blogger is 3X happy. Not only is Dubya gone and Obama in, but the folks in politics are still providing "can you believe it?" material for our amusement. At least we're getting something for our tax dollars. And this might just be proof that as we approach the perfect society, we'll still have politics. How do I know this? Because a perfect society has to include humor and really, doesn't the existence of humor argue for the persistence of politics?

The Gore Kennedy al-Qaeda Conspiracy as Reported in the Tribune

The Democrats' most visible expert on environmental issues is flying to Chicago to advise the president-elect on his Environmental Protection Agency and Energy Secretary appointments. Unless Gore has found a way to fly there in a cape, I am not sure how this is news.

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As the world becomes more complex, brands have more value. In theory, we make rational decisions based on lots of information. In practice, we rely on familiar brands to sort through a sea of confusing variables. (Caroline) Kennedy may be replacing (Hillary) Clinton as the junior Senator from New York.

Or political dynasties could have nothing to do with brands and everything to do with our membership in the primate family: Jane Goodall might be able to explain political dynasties more readily than branding experts.

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Tribune, publishers of newspapers like the Chicago Tribune and LA Times, has filed for bankruptcy. I've noticed of late that I don't have the patience for a newspaper for one simple reason: the mix of stories the editor chooses have little overlap with the mix I'd choose when on-line. As it turns out, the packaging of the stories into a "paper" is the part of publishing that has perhaps the least value. It is not just the fact that stories can be accessed by online users who don't subscribe - each of us can put together our own package of news, commentary, comedy, and borscht recipes without relying on the randomly overlapping interests of editors. Tribune is going to be just one in a string of casualties of this new hyper-customization of media unless they figure out how to facilitate this process rather than close their eyes and desperately wish it away.

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Five members of al-Qaeda have entered a guilty plea. Apparently, they want a promotion from prisoner to martyr. Of course this is nonsense.

Those al-Qaeda guys could never manipulate a country as sophisticated as ours. Osama bin Laden had planned to lure the U.S. into wars it could not afford, destroying the country by enticing it into overextending itself financially, leading to economic ruin. Of course this is nonsense.

We are simply too sophisticated to be so easily manipulated.

The Obama Kennedy Ticket

About 8 years ago, Bush appointed Cheney head of a committee to find him a vice president. Cheney could not find anyone better for the job than himself. (This might have been the first clue that he was going to govern with smoke and mirrors: he looked out at the possibilities and could only see himself.)

Today, Obama set up a 3-person committee whose job it is to find him a running mate. One member of that committee? Caroline Kennedy. Obama - Kennedy. How interesting would that be? Man and woman. Political dynasty and political destiny. Black and white. Past and future.

But then again, I'd be surprised if Caroline turns out to be a Dick. I would like to think that she does not confuse conviction and evidence as does our VP. Still, it is hard to imagine a VP selection that would get more coverage. (And should this happen, let the record show that the coverage began here at R World, where idle speculation and a lack of editorial standards beats investigative reporting and careful editing every time.)